I am a 36 yr old woman who has just begun to find myself. For many years i was carrying many secrets and the shame and guilt from that resulted in losing myself , from the age of 6 i have been lost till now. My innocence was stolen from me looking at the pictures of my past i now see the loss in my young eyes , the sparkle that was once there was gone.
My uncle first started molesting me when i was 6 yrs old and continued periodically throughout my childhood. Around the age of 8 i was once again being violated at the hands of another uncle this was an almost everyday occurrence that went on till i was around the age of 14. Also had a neighbor that felt he had the right to touch me and steal another part of my innocence in the same time frame .
Many yrs later i was given another secret, one that tore me apart , my mother slept with another man and had me swear that i would not tell the greatest man of my life the he had been betrayed.
30 years these secrets have been running my life that was until July 29th 2010. I was going to take my life could not go on carrying the shame and guilt any longer. Spent 4 days on a psyche ward and finally realized that i have no reason to feel ashamed or guilty. I did not ask for these things to happen i was a child and it was not my fault.As for my mothers dirty little secret .... well that is just what it is MY MOTHERS dirty secret i am not the one that should feel guilty and i refuse to anymore.
I know that healing is going to be a long process and i know i am going to need the help of some very special people in my life, My kids, my boyfriend , my best friend , my brother and sister in law and two of the most amazing aunts a girl can have, and many friends and other family members. I will never be able to express just how much each one of them have impacted my life, they give me hope , they give me strength and with them by my side i know i can go from victim to survivor !
So with this new day i begin my journey to survivor and i will become all i can be and more , be the mother my kids deserve , give all that i am to my amazing boyfriend and be the best friend a friend can be , best sister ,niece , but most of all .... I am going to be the best ME for ME !!
The old saying is true... Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can begin to resurface. I truly do believe that! I do believe that perhaps this was your rock bottom, now it's time to bounce back up and take back what is rightfully yours, YOUR LIFE!!
ReplyDeleteEvery hurtle you overcome is a new stepping stone, one step further from your past, and one step closer to your future...
It wont all be a bunch of roses, but just look at how far you've already come, and when the going gets tough, look back to where you were a few days ago, and what you conquered...
You have always been a survivor, you just didn't know how strong you were!!
Keep on keepin on chickie... xoxo